Monday, November 12, 2012

Anxiety

Pre-Kyra, I routinely worked a few hours during the weekends. But now that she is around, I try to play with her all weekend long. The issue is that I am not able to complete all of my work projects during normal working hours and/or over the weekends anymore. I try to leave by 5pm or 6pm everyday, so that I can hang out with her and play and read books before her bedtime. This new routine led me to get up at freaking 1am this morning and get to work. I had planned on getting up at 4am and heading into work a little earlier than usual, but all I could think about all night long was my project that was due this morning. The more I thought about it, the more anxious I got. So, I got up uber early and cranked it out. Thank God I got in here when I did, because there is no way I would have met my deadline if I had come in later like I had planned on doing. I like what I do, but cannot believe how many hours I have put in over the past year.

Which leads me to my little sister. She is contemplating becoming a lawyer. I do not want to dash her hopes or dreams, so I told her to make sure she goes somewhere freaking cheap/affordable, so she does not feel like she needs to work 12-15 hours a day minimum to pay back her student loans fast ha-ha. Nice advice eh? However, I am pretty sure I would have worked this much even if I didn't have crazy student loan balances. Its just my personality type. That being said, I cannot help but wonder if my health issues this year are the result of all of the freaking hours I have put in..

3 comments:

shell said...

Please take care, Dagny! This has been a tough year for you juggling your new responsibilities as a mom on top of your already demanding workload. As much as I gripe about my work-related stress, my workload and personal responsibilities don't even come close to yours.

Do you still have time for exercising?

thecanary said...

A guy I work with had super high blood pressure. The doctor tried all kinds of medicine and exercise and finally determined he was having constant anxiety attacks. He is bit older, so he was able to just leave work. Says he's picking oranges in his orange groves and doesn't want to hear from anyone for three months. I guess if you're doing too much then any of us go a bit nutty, and I think we have to have some balance. Even enjoying being a good worker, we work to live, eh?

annieswords said...

Ah the balancing act. More accurately trying not to be ripped in two act. I do not regret a single day I spent as a working mom. Looking back I realize that all the health issues I had were directly related to work related stress, and the ridiculous hours I put in (10-12 hpd, and a 4-5 on the weekend... It is significantly less than what you are putting in). I did everything right to stay healthy and couldn't. However, I LOVED my job! Another thing I've realized in reflection is that my kids need for my presence increased exponentially as they grew older. If it's any comfort you are doing it right (unlike some of us.. ahem... who did things bassakwards)! Your free time should increase in tandem with Kyra's need for your presence. This is the bottom of the mountain, and the fact that you feel the tearing of the climb means your priorities are on the mark! She is so lucky to have you as mom!